


Wotcher, Remus.

by butwemadethemcocoa



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, F/M, OTP Feels, One Shot Collection
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-07-15
Updated: 2018-07-15
Packaged: 2019-06-10 17:26:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,292
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15296433
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/butwemadethemcocoa/pseuds/butwemadethemcocoa
Summary: "What do you want, Remus?"She could feel tears coming to her eyes.And he almost did say it."I want you. I'll always want you. I'm sorry I didn't say it until now. I am so sorry, Dora."But he couldn't...."I have to go," Remus whispered as he finally let go of her hand.(A collection of Remadora one shots. Some happy, some sad.)





	1. A Nice Smile

Tonks was exhausted as she Apparated onto the doorstep of Number 12 Grimmauld Place. It had been a long day at the office after she had helped other members of the Order escort Harry, Hermione, and the Weasley's to King's Cross. She opened the door slowly, praying she wouldn't disturb the old screaming portrait of the dusty house. Tonks caught herself before she tripped over the troll leg umbrella stand, and she internally congratulated herself for accomplishing this impressive feat.

A meeting was supposed to take place in the kitchen in 20 minutes, but deciding it would be a waste of time to go home just to leave again to go to Grimmauld Place, she had decided to visit her cousin before the meeting. Tonks knew he was bound to be in an unhappy mood about his godson going back to school.

_I wonder if Remus is here._

Tonks inspected herself in a broken mirror hanging in the dimly-lit hallway. Deciding she didn't really like the dark blue hair she had changed into after lunch, she went back to her usual bubble-gum pink color.

A burst of laughter drifted from the kitchen downstairs. Tonks followed the bark-like sound, surprised to hear her cousin laughing when she had been sure he would be glum and miserable. She picked up a stray pile of parchment lying out of place on the floor, and she placed it on a nearby table before she descended the stairs to the kitchen in the basement. Her hand hovered over the doorknob before she heard her name mentioned.

"I don't fancy Tonks!" Remus Lupin cried out, exasperated.

"You've liked her ever since you met her at the first Order meeting. Don't deny it, Moony," Sirius taunted, using Remus's old nickname.

"I have not. We're just acquaintances; barely friends," Lupin shot back.

Tonks had frozen, listening to this conversation. When she had first met Remus, she had thought he was a very quiet man with a kind personality. When she had been told he was a werewolf, the new information had not changed her opinion; she thought he was one of the nicest people she had ever met.

Lupin and Tonks talked quite often, and when they did, it felt as if they were old friends. She hadn't really thought about dating or anything of the sort lately; she had been so focused on the Order and the war that was brewing in the wizarding world.

"Oh, come off it! Every time Tonks is in the room, you're the first to walk up to her, and every time you do, you smile! Smile! You hardly ever smile," Sirius teased.

"Tonks is a…very interesting person," Remus replied.

Tonks grinned.

_A very interesting person?_

"You think she's a lot more than just interesting, if you ask me," Sirius laughed.

Tonks dragged her boot across the stone floor, unsure what to do. Her cheeks were hot. This was the last thing she would have thought she would overhear today. She wanted to walk in, but she couldn't because they would know she had been listening. There was a clink of glass on wood as one of the men set down their cups. Lupin seemed to have decided to let the argument go.

"We should clean up a little before everyone arrives. The meeting starts in 12 minutes," Remus stated as he stood up, pushing his chair back.

Tonks decided to wait at least 2 minutes before gracing them with her presence, so as not to cause suspicion, but she counted to 200, just to be safe, and then she turned the doorknob.

"Wotcher," Tonks winked as she entered the room, hoping her cheeks weren't still red. The shattering of glass greeted her.

Tonks whipped out her wand and repaired the glass cups that had fallen from Lupin's hands to the floor. She tried not to smile.

"Erm- hello! Thanks, Tonks," Remus said awkwardly as Sirius snickered in the corner, tidying up newspapers and parchment resting on a table.

"No problem. Sorry I just burst in," Tonks replied, glaring at her cousin briefly. She could hear Kreacher muttering somewhere on the stairs that led to the kitchen, speaking about disgusting and vile werewolves. Tonks was tempted to cast a nasty curse on him.

"Oh, no, it was my fault. How was work?" Remus asked conversationally.

"Oh, same as usual," Tonks answered airily. "Mad-eye had us doing research all day and checking on You-Know-Who's pals, so I'm pretty tired."

"Sounds better than being stuck here all day," Sirius said bitterly.

Neither Tonks nor Lupin had the opportunity to reply to this because other members of the Order began to show up. Arthur had just gotten back from work, and Molly had been out doing errands after dropping off the kids, accompanied by an Auror for security.

"Hello, Tonks," greeted Kingsley Shacklebolt in his deep voice as he walked through the door.

"Hi," Tonks replied smiling.

Kingsley proceeded over to Arthur to talk when Tonks adjusted her gaze and she noticed Remus had been watching her. He looked away quickly, and struck up a conversation with Dedalus Diggle.

In a couple of minutes, everyone was there, so they all sat down and talked about plans and discussed the usual Order business. Reports were delivered and assignments were given out, but towards the end, Tonks hadn't been told if she had to do anything.

She looked up at Remus and she smiled faintly before wiggling her eyebrows, trying to make him laugh. He grinned and when Tonks glanced over at her cousin, he was maliciously smirking. Lupin, noticing Sirius, returned his attention to Kingsley, appearing to be embarrassed.

_Remus has a nice smile._


	2. Mr. Blue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tonks confronts Remus about how he has been trying to keep his distance from her. Angst. You might cry.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was partly inspired by the song Mr. Blue by Catherine Feeny, so that’s why this chapter is titled the way that it is.

Tonks had been sitting at the kitchen table in Grimmauld Place waiting for her cousin to come downstairs from feeding Buckbeak. She liked to come over even when there weren’t any Order meetings so that she could check up on him. They had never really gotten to know each other until she had joined the Order; she could still remember a time when she had thought he was a mad man who had been shipped off to Azkaban. Tonks looked up from a copy of _The Daily Prophet_ she had been reading when she heard the door swing open, about to ask Sirius how Buckbeak was doing.

But it wasn’t Sirius who had walked through the door; it was Remus Lupin. Tonks’ heart sank as she remembered the last time he had said anything other than hello and goodbye to her; it had been the day she’d gone with him to escort the kids on the Knight bus at the end of the Christmas holidays. Since then, he’d been avoiding her as if she were the plague.

“Hullo, Remus.”

He stared at her with surprise on his face before he nodded and let the door shut behind him. Remus simply stood there.

“Afternoon, Tonks.”

The Auror looked down at the table at this greeting, hurt by his continued coolness. She was tired of pretending like this was how their relationship had always been; as if there weren’t feelings that they both had for each other. Lupin was leaning against the wall now with his arms crossed.

“I’m just waiting for Sirius. He asked me to come over to help him with a Boggart and he asked if I would have a drink with him afterward.”

The Auror thought this was a bit strange since Sirius hadn’t mentioned that Remus was coming over when he’d told Tonks to wait just a few minutes in the kitchen. Tonks nodded, not looking up. The air was icy between them for the next few minutes as they didn’t say a word to each other. Tonks pretended to read from the paper and Lupin simply stood there staring in the direction of the fireplace that shone with flames.

_I hate this. I hate that he acts like I don’t exist now. He used to smile at me. I used to make him laugh._

“Ah,” Remus said suddenly, “I see now.”

The Auror looked up again to see a bitter look on his face.

“What?”

“He planned this, didn’t he? Sirius sent both of us down here so we’d talk again.”

Lupin looked annoyed with this conclusion as Tonks realized that he was probably right. Sirius had been trying to hint at how ridiculous this arrangement was during the past few months.

“Remusー”

“I think I’ll just go find him,” Lupin said suddenly before he attempted to open the door. This was enough to prompt Tonks to talk again.

“Really? You can’t handle being in a room with me for five minutes?”

He turned around hesitantly as if it were causing him pain to acknowledge how oddly he was behaving. She could see a new scar on his neck that she hadn't seen before.

“Please stop acting like this,” Tonks continued in a sad tone that was bordering on anger. She watched as Remus sighed.

“Stop acting like what?” the man asked. She could see in his eyes that he knew exactly what she meant. Tonks stood up, coming closer to him.

“You’ve been avoiding me since January.”

“I’ve been busy with missions, Tonks,”

“The missions you accepted _after_ the ones you wouldn’t take with me.”

Remus’ hand fell from the doorknob of the still-closed door. Tonks watched as he rubbed at his eyes in a tired way.

“You don’t understand.”

He watched as she laughed coldly at this even though nothing about this conversation was funny. Tonks could feel all of the anger that she had been keeping inside bubbling up now along with her sadness. Remus walked away from her, closer to the fireplace.

“You don’t get to say that. I DO understand. I understand that you’re so frightened of being vulnerable that you won’t allow yourself to tell me how you really feel. What’s so wrong about you and me being together?”

Her voice had shook slightly at these words; Remus turned around, fully meeting her gaze.

“I’m not right for you.”

“What makes you think you have the right to decide that for me?”

He sighed and closed his eyes; Lupin didn’t know how to respond to her question without making her furious at him.

“I’ve told you why we can’t be a couple. I don’t want to hurt you.”

“So you’ve decided the best way to not hurt me is to completely ignore me?”

“I’m a werewolf, Tonks.”

“And I’m a Metamorphmagus! But you don’t see me pushing you away just because I can change the color of my hair!” Tonks shouted.

“That’s not fair. I’mー” he furiously ran his fingers through his hair as he stumbled over his words, “I’m dangerous.”

“You wear sweater vests!”

Remus rolled his eyes at this

“I’ve never even heard you say a single unkind word in the time that I’ve known you!” Tonks continued.

She watched as his hand passed tiredly over his eyes again. Neither of them spoke for a minute.

“I’m sorry, Dora. I’m so sorry, but I don’t want to do this.”

The fire crackled but neither of them felt the heat. She crossed her arms and looked away from him as the silence stretched between them.

“What do you want, Remus?”

She could feel tears coming to her eyes.

_I know you love me. I know it. And I love you._

And he almost did say it.

_“I want you. I'll always want you. I’m sorry I didn’t say it until now. I am so sorry, Dora.”_

But he couldn’t.

Lupin knew what would eventually happen if he continued to keep his distance: she'd meet a nice Auror at the Ministry and never give Remus another thought again. Dora would be safe from him. His being a werewolf wouldn't affect her and he wouldn't have to live with the fact that he was a selfish man if he did open his arms to her.

Lupin’s tired eyes met her melancholy gaze and he didn't know how he managed to say the following words to her adorable face.

“Tonks, I'm a poor, old man. All I want is safety for everyone I care about and nothing more.”

He watched as she stood there silently next to the kitchen table before she slowly began to walk toward him, her boots clomping on the floor. Soon, she was so close to him that he could see that there were faint brown shades in her hair which he hadn't noticed before; he could see the tears in her eyes as she put her hand on his shoulder.

Tonks reached up and kissed his cheek.

Remus almost kissed her lips in return.

Instead, avoiding her gaze, he reached for her hand that rested on his shoulder and gently took it away. He realized that her skin was soft and cold; her fingernails were painted black.

Lupin looked up and she gazed at him. They were both silently pleading with the other to understand.

“I have to go,” Remus whispered as he finally let go of her hand. Tonks’ face was still close to his and he watched as a tear ran down her cheek. Lupin turned away before she could see the tears gathering in his eyes.

“Goodbye, Dora.”

And with that, Remus Lupin left the kitchen. She heard the front door slam upstairs and the sound of screaming that followed from a faraway portrait. Tonks sunk to the floor, her legs crossed; she watched the fire as it cheerfully burned away until the portrait stopped screaming. Tonks jumped when she heard the sound of the kitchen door bang open a minute later; she turned to see Sirius.

“I’m assuming you two haven’t kissed and made up then?”


End file.
